1 00:00:26,718 --> 00:00:28,132 Mate. 2 00:00:32,457 --> 00:00:36,171 I just had the best idea for a new business. 3 00:00:36,984 --> 00:00:39,179 You know how people like to make sex tapes? 4 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,914 Right. Fuck. What's this shit? 5 00:00:43,717 --> 00:00:45,390 Turn that shit off. 6 00:00:45,953 --> 00:00:49,666 We... go into business together, right, 7 00:00:50,406 --> 00:00:52,968 making home porn. 8 00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:57,196 We go round to people's houses 9 00:00:57,281 --> 00:00:59,633 with a camera, lights and all the gear 10 00:00:59,718 --> 00:01:02,382 and shoot sex tapes. 11 00:01:04,539 --> 00:01:06,516 Why would anybody want to do that? 12 00:01:07,015 --> 00:01:10,343 Mate, people will love it. 13 00:01:12,179 --> 00:01:14,578 - I wouldn't. - Yeah, but you're a prude. 14 00:01:14,733 --> 00:01:18,054 Mate, this... is a great idea. 15 00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:20,421 You sure you don't want to get in on this? 16 00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:23,743 I came up with a name for the business. 17 00:01:23,828 --> 00:01:25,938 - Mm-hm? - You ready? 18 00:01:26,023 --> 00:01:31,226 - Mm. - 'Home‐o Erotic'. Right? 19 00:01:31,867 --> 00:01:35,180 But the 'homo' is spelt 20 00:01:35,265 --> 00:01:38,515 H‐O‐M‐E‐O. 21 00:01:39,311 --> 00:01:43,906 Home‐o Erotic. Get it? 22 00:01:46,922 --> 00:01:48,840 Do you know what 'homoerotic' means? 23 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,406 Yeah. 24 00:01:51,656 --> 00:01:54,382 It means 'gay'. 25 00:01:55,465 --> 00:01:57,901 Like, gay sex. 26 00:01:59,102 --> 00:02:01,132 - Really? - Mm. 27 00:02:02,806 --> 00:02:06,601 Oh, fuck. It took me, like, an hour to come up with that. 28 00:02:18,791 --> 00:02:20,759 It's gotta be... 29 00:02:22,625 --> 00:02:24,227 ...Gary's... 30 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,492 'Gary's Glitter Productions'. 31 00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:32,635 Hmm? 32 00:02:33,711 --> 00:02:35,289 He was a pedo. 33 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:41,476 Oh. Yeah. 34 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,843 Mm‐hm. 35 00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:46,767 Yeah. 36 00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:50,135 Yeah, that wouldn't work. 37 00:02:51,329 --> 00:02:53,204 00:02:54,618 Episode Title: "Cut the Crap Princess" Aired on: June 08, 2021. 39 00:02:54,791 --> 00:02:56,111 - Here we are. - Thanks a lot. 40 00:02:56,196 --> 00:02:57,814 - Have a great day. 'Bye. - See you. 41 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,637 Buy a new bag, you cheap bastard. 42 00:03:42,064 --> 00:03:43,522 Wow, look at you, eh? 43 00:03:43,606 --> 00:03:45,257 How you going, mate? Alright? 44 00:03:45,341 --> 00:03:47,612 What's this? When are you due? 45 00:03:47,704 --> 00:03:49,736 Piss off. 46 00:03:49,821 --> 00:03:52,533 - You good? - Oh, really good. Look at me. 47 00:03:52,618 --> 00:03:54,423 So, when are you gonna come back and train? 48 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,064 Eh, I've been training at home. 49 00:04:00,224 --> 00:04:02,193 So, how's Brucey? 50 00:04:03,322 --> 00:04:05,645 He passed, mate, about a year ago. 51 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,480 - Oh, shit. - Yeah. 52 00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:09,099 Sorry, mate. 53 00:04:10,014 --> 00:04:12,384 Oh, I heard he wasn't too good. 54 00:04:12,492 --> 00:04:14,443 - Yeah, yeah, so... - Ah, that's fucked. 55 00:04:14,586 --> 00:04:16,387 Yeah, what are you gonna do, mate? You know... 56 00:04:16,483 --> 00:04:20,462 - You holding up alright? - Not too bad, you know. 57 00:04:20,712 --> 00:04:22,528 Come on. Hands up, hands up. 58 00:04:22,612 --> 00:04:25,898 - This place hasn't changed. - Just how I like it. 59 00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:29,376 - How's Killy going? Alright? - He's good. Really good. 60 00:04:29,493 --> 00:04:31,038 - Yeah? - Yeah. So, what about you? 61 00:04:31,154 --> 00:04:32,712 You still cracking heads? 62 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:37,267 - Every now and then. - You're not getting any younger. 63 00:04:37,814 --> 00:04:39,136 What else am I gonna do? 64 00:04:40,310 --> 00:04:41,703 Start a gym? 65 00:04:41,788 --> 00:04:44,056 Yeah, but I gotta make some money. 66 00:04:44,782 --> 00:04:47,079 There's more important things than money. 67 00:04:47,626 --> 00:04:49,737 - Is there? - Yeah. 68 00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:53,407 This place hasn't made me rich, but I love what I do. 69 00:04:54,134 --> 00:04:56,385 I love coming in here every day. 70 00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,572 - It's my life. - Mm. 71 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,658 Do you love what you do, aside from money? 72 00:05:01,882 --> 00:05:03,550 Come on! 73 00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:06,125 Not particularly. 74 00:05:06,856 --> 00:05:09,720 You've got to ask yourself, "Why am I doing it?" 75 00:05:18,501 --> 00:05:21,253 Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! 76 00:07:17,102 --> 00:07:20,706 Piu‐piu! Piu‐piu! 77 00:07:22,792 --> 00:07:24,227 Piu! 78 00:07:33,727 --> 00:07:35,462 Piu. 79 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:46,899 Thought you were pretty smart, didn't you? 80 00:07:47,236 --> 00:07:49,689 Well, time to die. 81 00:07:57,825 --> 00:07:59,527 Oh, fuck. 82 00:09:18,062 --> 00:09:19,731 Oh, shit. 83 00:09:32,844 --> 00:09:35,043 - What's going on? - Nothing. 84 00:09:35,329 --> 00:09:37,504 Couldn't get the passionfruit yoghurt, alright. 85 00:09:38,307 --> 00:09:40,160 So... 86 00:10:14,741 --> 00:10:17,010 Hey. 87 00:10:19,491 --> 00:10:21,427 Come inside. 88 00:10:29,736 --> 00:10:31,905 'Sup? 89 00:10:33,715 --> 00:10:35,166 You tell me. 90 00:10:35,382 --> 00:10:37,150 What? 91 00:10:43,739 --> 00:10:45,357 It's not mine. 92 00:10:45,441 --> 00:10:46,824 Cut the crap, princess. 93 00:10:46,909 --> 00:10:49,361 It's yours, not mine. 94 00:10:50,332 --> 00:10:52,364 Why are you such a smart‐arse all of a sudden? 95 00:10:52,449 --> 00:10:54,267 Why do you have a gun? 96 00:10:54,352 --> 00:10:56,136 Doesn't matter why I got a gun. 97 00:10:56,221 --> 00:10:58,141 What matters is you shouldn't be playing with it. 98 00:10:58,253 --> 00:10:59,278 If you didn't have a gun, 99 00:10:59,363 --> 00:11:01,606 then I wouldn't be playing with it, now, would I? 100 00:11:07,339 --> 00:11:09,207 - So, where's the hole? - What hole? 101 00:11:09,292 --> 00:11:11,494 The hole you made when you fired the pistol. 102 00:11:35,324 --> 00:11:37,137 How do you know I fired it? 103 00:11:38,428 --> 00:11:40,646 Smell the gunpowder. 104 00:11:40,731 --> 00:11:42,668 So, why have you got a gun? 105 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,207 - Burglars. - Burglars? 106 00:11:47,292 --> 00:11:48,982 Yeah, you know what burglars are, don't you? 107 00:11:49,066 --> 00:11:51,134 Can we go shooting? 108 00:11:51,749 --> 00:11:54,234 - Nup. - Why not? 109 00:11:54,319 --> 00:11:55,988 'Cause I said. 110 00:11:57,464 --> 00:11:59,148 Please! 111 00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:00,668 Nup. 112 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:20,473 If you took me shooting, 113 00:12:20,558 --> 00:12:23,215 then, you know, you can teach me and stuff. 114 00:12:25,241 --> 00:12:27,270 Don't go in my room again, alright? 115 00:12:27,426 --> 00:12:29,942 Huh? Don't eye‐roll me. 116 00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:31,981 - Cut it out, I said. - My eyes are closed. 117 00:12:32,066 --> 00:12:34,239 How can I eye‐roll when my eyes are closed? 118 00:12:34,746 --> 00:12:38,170 I don't know, but I know you're doing it. 119 00:12:38,254 --> 00:12:39,949 - What a jerk. - 'Scuse me? 120 00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:41,724 Nothing. 121 00:12:53,654 --> 00:12:55,939 How do I know your medicine is true medicine? 122 00:12:56,254 --> 00:12:58,023 Very easy. 123 00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:03,415 Get some 20 hunters with me. 124 00:13:03,524 --> 00:13:06,043 When all is ready, I will rob the base... 125 00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:27,648 Oss‐breeze 126 00:13:27,802 --> 00:13:28,885 here at the ground... 127 00:13:29,235 --> 00:13:32,455 Mm, Superman, right? 128 00:13:32,742 --> 00:13:35,153 He's flying around, cruising around Metropolis, 129 00:13:35,238 --> 00:13:37,122 looking for bad guys, right? 130 00:13:37,281 --> 00:13:39,667 He's flying around, flying around. 131 00:13:39,916 --> 00:13:42,334 And all of a sudden, he looks down. 132 00:13:42,418 --> 00:13:45,070 - He sees Wonder Woman, right. - Mm, mm. 133 00:13:45,154 --> 00:13:46,305 She's starkers. 134 00:13:46,389 --> 00:13:48,607 Buck naked, all oiled up, 135 00:13:48,691 --> 00:13:51,376 sunbaking on top of this building. 136 00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,178 - Right? - Mm‐hm. Mm. 137 00:13:53,262 --> 00:13:55,681 Straightaway, instant boner. 138 00:13:55,765 --> 00:13:58,917 Cracks a fat. Super fat, right? 139 00:13:59,001 --> 00:14:02,287 He thinks to himself, "With my super speed, 140 00:14:02,371 --> 00:14:05,791 "I could fly down there, root her, 141 00:14:05,875 --> 00:14:07,259 "give her a quick couple of pumps 142 00:14:07,343 --> 00:14:10,162 "and then be out of there before she even knows what hit her." 143 00:14:10,246 --> 00:14:11,597 - Huh? - Mm. 144 00:14:11,681 --> 00:14:14,266 So, he zooms down, 10,000 miles an hour, 145 00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:16,301 gives her a quick couple of pumps, blows his load 146 00:14:16,385 --> 00:14:18,137 and he's gone in, like, half a second, right? 147 00:14:18,221 --> 00:14:19,204 Yeah. 148 00:14:19,288 --> 00:14:20,906 Wonder Woman jumps to her feet and goes, 149 00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,374 "What the fuck was that?!" 150 00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:23,775 The Invisible Man goes, 151 00:14:23,859 --> 00:14:26,712 "I don't know, but my arsehole's fucking killing me." 152 00:14:30,949 --> 00:14:32,885 Fucked him up the arse. 153 00:14:36,772 --> 00:14:39,691 ..beautifully, right off the meat of the bat. 154 00:14:39,782 --> 00:14:41,951 Superman would be able to see him, though. 155 00:14:42,957 --> 00:14:45,230 No, he wouldn't. He's invisible. 156 00:14:45,314 --> 00:14:48,967 Yeah, but, like, in real life, 157 00:14:49,051 --> 00:14:52,437 'cause he's got that fuckin', um, X‐ray vision. 158 00:14:52,879 --> 00:14:55,674 Yeah, but X‐ray vision helps you to see through shit. 159 00:14:55,759 --> 00:14:58,161 It doesn't help you to see stuff that's invisible. 160 00:15:00,663 --> 00:15:02,781 What about that heat vision thing he's got? 161 00:15:02,865 --> 00:15:05,484 He sees infrared and all that kind of crap. 162 00:15:05,568 --> 00:15:09,012 Oh, mate, it's a joke. It's a joke. 163 00:15:13,876 --> 00:15:16,128 What does the Starship 'Enterprise' and toilet paper 164 00:15:16,212 --> 00:15:17,129 have in common? 165 00:15:17,221 --> 00:15:18,989 Don't know. What? 166 00:15:20,016 --> 00:15:22,151 They both search Uranus for Klingons. 167 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,925 - Eh. - Don't like it? 168 00:15:27,189 --> 00:15:28,950 Eh, it's not bad. 169 00:15:29,035 --> 00:15:30,629 Superman joke's better. 170 00:15:30,714 --> 00:15:32,349 Mm. 171 00:15:34,130 --> 00:15:37,700 Oh, mate... 172 00:15:38,725 --> 00:15:40,476 ...I know you just got out, 173 00:15:40,803 --> 00:15:42,788 but I need you to do me a favour. 174 00:15:42,872 --> 00:15:44,423 Here we go. 175 00:15:44,507 --> 00:15:47,977 I need you to go to my house, grab something for me. 176 00:15:48,798 --> 00:15:50,316 What? 177 00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:52,949 - You know my stash spot? - Mm. 178 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:58,292 I need you to go in there and grab the black plastic bag. 179 00:15:59,188 --> 00:16:02,141 What's in it? Your pee‐pee movies? 180 00:16:02,225 --> 00:16:04,042 - No, I've already got those. - Oh, good. 181 00:16:04,126 --> 00:16:07,212 - Just grab the black bag. - Alright. 182 00:16:07,296 --> 00:16:10,466 Thanks, mate. I appreciate it. 183 00:16:27,718 --> 00:16:30,754 'WHERE I STOOD' BY MISSY HIGGINS PLAYS ON STEREO... 184 00:16:35,991 --> 00:16:37,675 In you come. 185 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,645 ♪ And I don't know 186 00:16:39,729 --> 00:16:44,550 ♪ If I could stand another hand upon you 187 00:16:44,634 --> 00:16:47,085 ♪ All I know is that... ♪ 188 00:16:47,169 --> 00:16:48,687 Hello, Ray. 189 00:16:49,412 --> 00:16:50,689 How you going? 190 00:16:51,529 --> 00:16:53,859 Where are these things you need? 191 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,599 Basement. 192 00:17:01,523 --> 00:17:03,185 After you. 193 00:17:47,123 --> 00:17:48,374 You right? 194 00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:50,201 Are you right? 195 00:17:56,193 --> 00:17:58,023 Future's female, is it? 196 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,035 Sure is. 197 00:18:12,511 --> 00:18:16,451 What's in the bag, Ray? Your pee‐pee movies? 198 00:18:18,921 --> 00:18:20,556 They were Gary's. 199 00:18:33,553 --> 00:18:36,679 How'd you go? 200 00:18:37,647 --> 00:18:39,765 Tat's new boyfriend's a bit of a cunt. 201 00:18:39,849 --> 00:18:42,835 - Mm. Should have shot her. - Yeah. 202 00:18:43,162 --> 00:18:44,570 So, what's this? 203 00:18:44,967 --> 00:18:46,856 Open it. 204 00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:57,816 What is it? 205 00:18:58,115 --> 00:19:00,953 - A Vajankle. - A what? 206 00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:02,972 A Vajankle. 207 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:07,109 - What do you do with it? - You jerk off with it. 208 00:19:09,287 --> 00:19:10,596 You've had your cock in this? 209 00:19:10,718 --> 00:19:12,753 Yeah. Oi! 210 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,400 Here, here, here, have a look. 211 00:19:15,599 --> 00:19:17,836 See? You put your cock in it. 212 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:21,273 You put your cock in this part with the vagina 213 00:19:22,076 --> 00:19:24,512 and then you play with the foot. 214 00:19:31,943 --> 00:19:33,631 What? 215 00:19:34,770 --> 00:19:37,556 Why would you put your cock in a foot? 216 00:19:38,146 --> 00:19:39,842 'Cause I've got a foot fetish. 217 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,395 You need help, mate. 218 00:19:48,881 --> 00:19:50,669 Don't knock it till you try it, Ray. 219 00:19:50,951 --> 00:19:53,405 - Hello? - Hey, Ray, you free? 220 00:19:53,584 --> 00:19:54,929 Yeah, mate, what's up? 221 00:19:55,014 --> 00:19:58,920 - I've got a job for you. - OK. What is it? 222 00:20:34,339 --> 00:20:36,074 This way. 223 00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:43,146 Just down here. 224 00:20:55,152 --> 00:20:56,506 In here. 225 00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:12,740 Just gonna stand there, are you? 226 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:18,357 - What happened? - Does it fuckin' matter? 227 00:21:18,852 --> 00:21:20,233 Look, get this bitch out of here. 228 00:21:20,318 --> 00:21:22,318 My folks are gonna be home in, like, an hour or so. 229 00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,153 She's somebody's daughter, fuckhead. 230 00:21:31,086 --> 00:21:32,599 Get around that side. 231 00:21:36,665 --> 00:21:38,123 - Lift her up. - Yep. 232 00:21:58,911 --> 00:22:01,006 Go around. 233 00:22:12,273 --> 00:22:14,514 - Get the door. - OK. 234 00:22:28,878 --> 00:22:33,084 - How'd you go? - Yeah, good. 235 00:22:33,249 --> 00:22:34,833 What do you want me to do with it? 236 00:22:35,100 --> 00:22:38,873 Take it out to Dural. Bramble Road, lot three. 237 00:22:39,701 --> 00:22:42,819 There's a piggery out the back of the farmhouse there. 238 00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:47,014 Feed it to the pigs. 239 00:22:48,865 --> 00:22:50,514 OK. 240 00:23:25,660 --> 00:23:27,694 Hey, Samantha C. How are you tonight? 241 00:23:27,787 --> 00:23:29,724 Hello, Steve. Thanks for taking my call. 242 00:23:29,808 --> 00:23:31,109 My pleasure, darling. 243 00:23:31,194 --> 00:23:32,764 Now, tell us all how you met 244 00:23:32,889 --> 00:23:34,421 your sweetheart, Lachlan C. 245 00:23:34,506 --> 00:23:36,601 Well, I was on the train home one night 246 00:23:36,686 --> 00:23:39,131 and I was carrying a big stack of stuff... 247 00:23:44,687 --> 00:23:46,138 ..between me and the groper 248 00:23:46,389 --> 00:23:48,106 and kind of protected me, you know? 249 00:23:48,190 --> 00:23:49,374 And that was Lachlan. 250 00:23:49,458 --> 00:23:51,326 Your knight in shining armour. 251 00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:53,022 Yeah, we... 252 00:24:57,093 --> 00:24:59,745 Samantha, this is a fantastic romantic story. 253 00:24:59,886 --> 00:25:03,015 I really hope your fears are unfounded. 254 00:25:07,636 --> 00:25:10,888 Stay with us here at Radio 1128 for better music like this ‐ 255 00:25:10,973 --> 00:25:13,809 'Stay With Me ', Lorraine Ellison. 256 00:25:19,297 --> 00:25:24,514 ♪ Where did you go 257 00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:31,310 ♪ When things went wrong, baby? 258 00:25:31,469 --> 00:25:35,747 ♪ Who did you run to... ♪ 259 00:25:36,899 --> 00:25:42,984 ♪ And find a shoulder to lay your head upon? 260 00:25:43,133 --> 00:25:48,984 ♪ Baby, wasn't I there? 261 00:25:49,461 --> 00:25:55,250 ♪ Didn't I take good care of you? 262 00:25:56,578 --> 00:26:03,359 ♪ No, no, I can't believe you're leaving me 263 00:26:05,086 --> 00:26:09,984 ♪ Stay with me, baby 264 00:26:10,172 --> 00:26:16,017 ♪ Please stay with me, baby 265 00:26:16,102 --> 00:26:20,198 ♪ Oh, stay with me, baby 266 00:26:20,283 --> 00:26:26,867 ♪ I can't go on 267 00:26:27,983 --> 00:26:33,756 ♪ Who did you touch 268 00:26:33,990 --> 00:26:36,796 ♪ When you needed 269 00:26:36,944 --> 00:26:39,663 ♪ Tenderness? 270 00:26:39,850 --> 00:26:44,460 ♪ I gave you so much 271 00:26:44,584 --> 00:26:47,280 ♪ And in return 272 00:26:47,491 --> 00:26:51,467 ♪ I found happiness... ♪